The Draft is Tonight? What?

One of the most hilarious things to keep an eye on during the NFL draft that isn't a Brady Quinn-esque slide or the Jets fans' reactions is the offensive linemen in suits. It's great. You don't have to be a body language specialist to tell how uncomfortable they are. They'd rather be sweaty and stinky in a cutoff t-shirt than in some hideous three-piece suit that took a square mile of cloth to make.

Raiders guard Robert Gallery on draft day....

.....and Gallery not on draft day.
This man should never have to wear a suit. Ever.

They're just not comfortable, hilariously so. And they shouldn't be: the profession they're about to enter requires them to be freaking huge and maul people regularly. Those guys don't wear suits.


I'm not so excited to watch the draft this year though.

It's not for a lack of huge, uncomfortable-looking dudes in suits (if only the NFL guys could have the horrible fashion sense of the NBA drafts. THAT would be entertainment).

I can't make myself care.

That really sucks because usually, I can't get enough of the draft. It's really like Christmas morning for your football team because the head coaches get all new presents to play with. This year's haul is going to suck for a few reasons:

1. Not having free agency between the end of the season and the draft handcuffed a few teams going into the draft. If there really isn't a difference-maker in the draft at a position of need, a team could address that need in free agency. You might see more teams addressing needs in the draft instead of taking the best available. That sucks! What about taking a flier on a wide receiver in the late rounds instead of drafting another backup lineman? Booooooooooooring.
2. I still hate the three-day draft format. The NFL fighting Thursday night TV is stupid. It's going to get slaughtered in the ratings tonight by the Office finale, tomorrow because of the royal wedding and on Saturday because it's the crap rounds of the draft and I'd rather be doing something else. (I wonder if Mel Kiper Jr. or one of the Beefeaters smiles first. I'll take the Beefeaters.)
3. Cam Newton is going first, which will guarantee Cam Newton a longer run on ESPN. Cam Newton will see even more coverage when Cam Newton has to give back the Heisman because Cam Newton took money, when Cam Newton doesn't get along with Cam Newton's players at training camp and when Cam Newton doesn't pan out as a pro. Cam Newton.

I'm going to tune in for a while for my team's pick, but that's it. It's really a shame considering what the draft used to be: two glorious days of sports mega-dorkery.

I'll go into my team a little bit. If you aren't interested, don't scroll past this unintentionally hilarious picture of Jerry Jones.

Jerruh has a little captain in him.

There are three big positions of need: right tackle, defensive end and safety. I'd say safety is the worst, but there's nobody there who really fits the bill at pick nine. We might try later but at that point, what's the difference in giving that guy a run and Akwasi Owusu-Ansah, the safety we drafted last year (I spelled that without looking it up. I should win something.). I don't think the Cowboys would sink that much money into a 3-4 defensive end unless that guy from Auburn slipped to us (this is how much I've prepared for the draft, I can't name a top 10 pick). I bet we go offensive tackle. That's a lot of money to sink into a right tackle as Free looks to have the left side locked up. If we take a corner, I'm breaking something because that's three first-round cornerbacks in the draft. That's awful. If Ras-I Dowling were to slip to us in the second round, I say go for it.