We Have This Blog for a Real Reason: LB Lives in my Brain

So I was brainstorming with LB today about what I could write about. I informed her that while I was working, I was listening to a soccer game in Prague on my smart phone. LB told me to write about that and I started to explain it more.

Then, a funny thing happened.

What follows is real life from gchat.

LB: On the radio? That's so retro

CW: On the internet on my phone, but it's commentary.

LB: Haha, not so retro. Nouveau retro.
CW: (half a moment later) Nouveau retro.....Oh God.

LB: SHUT THE HELL UP.

It's stuff like this that completely validates this blog to me.

Actually, what really validates having this blog for me is that stuff like this not an especially rare occurrence for us. I have to tell LB at least once a week to get out of my brain because she'll complete a sentence of mine or say exactly what I was thinking.

She's like a tapeworm in my brain.

She's a brainworm.

But, like any good bloggers, we've stored 'nouveau retro' away for a rainy day. We'll try to dream up a few things that would fit that bill that wouldn't be too hipster-ish.

At any rate, keep an eye out for us tomorrow. We're watching some serious Jersey Shore tonight and we'll have our CPRs--Cast Performance Reviews.

Happy Jersday everybody!

Pandora Wars: A New Hope

LB: The Pandora war seemed like a good idea in theory, but it didn't take long for me to get the sinking feeling that I was having a Bad Pandora Day. You know you've all had them - where you keep hitting "thumbs down" in total frustration. You want to say "Station, I thought you knew me, but it's clear we need to spend a lot more time together." I felt like I had a new puppy who I had taught lots of cool tricks to, but once we had guests over, he just sat there with a big grin on his face. Damn you, puppy! 

Alas, I'm at least somewhat happy with the list. Glad that Arcade Fire is first, since after their Grammy performance last week there was so much talk on Twitter, etc. from people who had never heard of them. Really, America? You know Justin Bieber, but not Arcade Fire? Sigh. Not my favorite song from them, but glad they are representing. 

Other mainstays that made it into the list: Wilco, Allman Bros & Ray (always). Not too shabby, but I'm concerned...

1. Arcade Fire–No Cars Go

2. The Postal Service – We Will Become Silhouettes

3. Wilco – Either Way

4. Allman Brothers Band – One Way Out

5. Devotchka– We're Gonna Make It

6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs –Runaway

7. Feist – Mushaboom

8. Johnny Cash – I Walk the Line (Live)

9. Ray Lamontagne – Empty

10. Regina Spektor – Hotel Song

11. Kid Cudi – Pursuit of Happiness

12. Vampire Weekend –Run

13. The Shins– Sea Legs

CW: Uh, that's it?

LB: You aren’t impressed? I do feel like we went for different genres.

 CW: I'm totally underwhelmed. I could write three lists from mine that would work this list EVEN THOUGH you included three extra songs.

LB: I feel like 10 is SUPER short to represent a whole day of Pandora

CW: I'll let that fly because I feel sad for you.

LB: Plus for me, it’s sort of like when two B-list celebrities date, they become A-list material

CW: I don't follow and I disagree. Mine is gold. Wanna see what the hubbub is all about?

LB: Ugh. I guess so.

CW: First off, I'd like to say that this list is a result of hours of thumbs upping, thumbs downing and much toil with furrowed brow.

It started with two words that usually get you nowhere when you're looking for music: "The Band." It started with a little bit of Southern Rock, some Classic Rock. You know, the jams. But I sculpted it into an enigmatic, eclectic tour de force.

Hold on to your undies, this might get funky.

1. Jimi Hendrix– Like a Rolling Stone (Live at Monterey)
2. The Band & Bob Dylan– Knockin' On Heaven's Door (Live)
3. Neil Young– Old Man (Acoustic, Live)
4. Johnny Cash & June Carter-Cash– Jackson
5. The Kinks– Lola (Live)
6. Ray Charles– Georgia on my Mind
7. Joe Cocker– Something (Live)
8. Otis Redding– My Girl
9. John Lennon– Imagine
10. The Allman Brothers Band– Midnight Rider

Just in case you're curious, I could have put up three different lists–a studio song list, a live song list and a British band song list–that would have demolished your list.

LB:  Well, I just don't think the lists are comparable. Seeing yours I don't feel as bad because they’re just totally different genres. It’s comparing apples and oranges.

CW:  Better, different…po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

LB:  I just gave up on Pandora after yesterday and a little today and have moved to Grooveshark, where every song is thoughtfully picked by yours truly.

CW:  My Pandora could wipe the floor-a with your Pandora.

LB:  I am a much better music aggregator than the robot algorithm that operates Pandora, so today is Grooveshark. I also feel like we can't compare stations

CW:  Well, when you put it out there that you have the best Pandora station going, you kind of are.

LB:  Well, yeah, But we have different taste.

CW:  For true. Agree to disagree?

LB: When in Rome….?

LB's 5 Current Girl Crushes

Rachel McAdams is one of the few actresses who can get me to go to any movie she's in, even if it looks crappy. Gorgeous and talented? Yes. But I also think she just has an irresistible girl-next-door quality. I can't wait to see what project she does next.

Rashida Jones - any girl who can pull off being gorgeous and funny all at the same time wins girl crush status from me. Rashida does that so well - from her stint on The Office, to her work on Will Ferrell's Funny or Die site, to I Love You Man and Parks & Rec, she makes me laugh no matter what she does. 

Nicki Minaj is a Grade A Badass. When I first heard her rap on the radio I was blown away by her talent. Having listened to more of her music and learned more about her story - I was inspired by how much she's overcome to be where she is now. Her predecessor, Lil' Kim has been throwing jabs at her, trying to start a media war, but Nicki's response?  "The same way [Lil' Kim] opened doors for me, I’m opening doors for her. Nobody was playin your music and you damn sure couldn’t get an interview. You getting interviews [now] and every time you do interviews they’re asking you about Nicki. So it’s like we help each other. I respect you, I love you, I’ve said it in every interview time and time again. And if that’s not good enough with you, mama, then it’s something deep-rooted in you. It’s not Nicki Minaj." 

Anne Hathaway can do no wrong in my book. I have been a fan since Princess Diaries, and was so proud to see her win acclaim for her role in Rachel Getting Married last year. Girlfriend's got talent, range, and seems incredibly down to earth despite all her success. She seems like the type you'd want to be besties with.

Funny, bold, and unapologetic about herself, Chelsea Handler has definitely won her way into my heart. I watch her show & have read some of her books which are hilarious. Her sense of humor is unique and biting, and I dig it. But I also love how she makes no bones about the fact that she isn't interested in marraige and enjoys having a good time. I would love to party with this lady.

The Brick Phone I Carry In My Pocket

CW: It hasn't been since my senior year in high school that I really had a cool phone.

I had this weird little Samsung deal that was about the size of a chicken nugget and it slid up to answer and dial. It was the coolest thing ever. It fit right into my pocket and I barely even knew it was there.

Everyone would come look at it and would do a double take--"whoa, how is that a phone?"
I can't lie. That was a major selling point for me. The 'wow' factor has always been important to me. It's not about being better than someone or anything. It was just about having something cool, something I liked playing with.

So, a few weeks back, I went ahead and got myself another phone that kinda had that same 'wow' factor. It's the HTC EVO 4G, one of a few phones that can boast the nation's fastest 4G service that I have no clue is any different from the 3G. My sister's friend has a friend that says the 4G network and branding is totally bogus. All I know is I was in DC the other weekend, had the 4G service and it was fucking amazing. Faster than a speeding bullet, it was.

While that was cool and whatnot, and the plan was absurdly easy, I got the phone for other reasons.

First, the thing is as big as a brick and it's all screen on the front. I could watch it as a TV. It's amazing. There are times that I wish I had my old Samsung phone--one of my friends called it the Egg Phone which was totally inaccurate: it was smaller than an egg.

Secondly, I got it for the kickstand.

I can hear you know. You're all like "whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
Yeah. It has a kickstand. It's totally not important in terms of how the phone works--I think it's neat to stand it up on my desk when I'm listening to Pandora or when I have it on my nightstand as an alarm clock--but it's important in that 'wow' factor. I'm carrying a mini-television/radio/computer in my trousers (if you get that reference, you win a dollar) that is so big, it requires a kickstand for viewing purposes.

Silly? Yes. But it sold me.

That being said, I think it's funny that phones are getting bigger. Or is it that computers are getting smaller and you can make phone calls from them? I have veritable cinderblock in my pocket that plays radio, checks my e-mail, can surf the internets, post on Facebook and Twitter at the same time and makes calls. And if I ever get into a tough spot in the wrong neighborhood, I could use it as a personal defense device by spiking it off of someone's melon.

My brick phone/TV/radio/computer/Facebooker/Twitterer should leave one hell of a dent.

Jersey Shore - who won this week's episode?

RonRon's endorsement deal with Xenadrine...probably over now.

Jersday is definitely our favorite day of the week, so naturally we feel the need to recap the events of our favorite trainwreck television "family." I'll cover the girls best moments, Carden will take the guys. Then we'll determine who "won" the episode and who lost. This week we saw still more unbearable fighting between Sam and Ron, but thankfully for our sanity, it appears to be coming to a close. Most of the cast unfortunately gets overshadowed by the domestic violence, and Situation questions Ron's adherence to "General Human Code." What about it indeed, Sitch.

The Girls

Sam: 5

I'll start with the worst. I mean really, the SamRon thing is so played out. Sam picking at the scab that is their relationship has gotten so tired, I can't watch it anymore. She earns points for realizing her relationship is "unhealthy," though, and making the right move in leaving the show. Her best moment, though was an unintentionally funny one when, in her fatigue over their constant fighting she proclaimed "I still love the dick." (Referring to Ron, we think...)

Snooki: 8

My favorite meatball didn't get nearly as much air time as she deserves, but like a good reality TV star, she made the most of what she was given. When she calls out the random guy at Beachcombers for having super tight shorts, it's pretty funny. You could see "the shaping of his wiener," says Snooki. Also her boobs looked amazing when they were about to go out. For both of these moments, Snooks gets a solid score of 8.

Deena: 6

Girlfriend had her best moment when she held Sam's hand outside at the picnic table. Sam hasn't done much to earn any love or respect from Deena - yet she gets it anyway. Way to be a good/sweet room mate D. 

JWOWW: 7

Our favorite bearer of fake boobs also didn't get a lot of air time. However, the prancing out in the leather outfit was a definite "win" moment. As Carden said in a text to me "She just earned the second 'w' in her name." 

The Guys

Sitch: 8.5
I can't really recall many better shows for Sitch. He broke his own character mold by a) saying he was sorry to Ron for breaking guy code (if Sitch hadn't broken guy code, he'd be a nine), b) knowing when to get Ron out of the club when Sammi was dancing with another dude and c) being there for Ron when he ugly cried for the 10th time.

Pauly D, Vinny: 6
There really wasn't much going on for these two. Highlights included Pauly hitting his shoes with some 409, Vinny swearing that Ron and Sam were "going to bang soon" and Snooki making an analogy (yesterday was a day for the record books, ladies and gentlemen: Snooki made an analogy) between her not being able to get Sam's too big bed out of the door and not being able to fit Vinny's unit in her "pinhole." Not really anything to write home about, just solid showings.

Ronnie: 1
This is how serious Ronnie's problems are right now: a bleeding backdoor from last week's episode is probably the least of his worries. This dude has some problems. He wanted to fight Sitch for a minute and somehow made Stich look like the bigger man in the argument. That's probably his least bad moment from the show last night because after that, it was all Sam-related. I think it was when Ronnie was trying to move Sam's bed with her on it when I stopped wanting to see them break up so Single Ron could go have fun and started wanting to see Sam not get seriously hurt. Then he broke a bunch of her stuff, ugly cried, yelled at her some more, fessed up to cheating on her in Miami, cried some more, broke more stuff, tried to convince her to stay and ugly cried again. Ron Ron Juice is in a glass case of emotion....and Xenadrine (I really can't get enough of those commercials). It looks like he's going home soon, too, even though we don't see the forlorn Ron looking out of a taxi shot in next week's preview like we did last week with Sam's departure. 

So the loser is clearly Ron for obvious reasons. Situation wins this week for strengthening his position as the house's unlikely voice of reason and sanity. 

Photo credit: MTV.com

Girls in pink jerseys, and other pet peeves

Jessica Simpson reminding us what not to do. 

LB: When you're a girl who either doesn't love sports, or just isn't a superfan, I think there's a right and a wrong way to approach sporting events. While I don't follow it religiously, baseball has always been my favorite sport. I've never completely gotten into football. In recent years I've come around quite a bit, though, thanks in large part to one of my best friends Joy. She's a huge Cowboys fan and has the patience to teach me what a two-point conversion and pass interference are. Nonetheless, I don't try to pretend to know or care more about the game than I actually do, because I think eventually that'll bite you in the ass. 

Worse than pretending to like football or any other sport to impress guys, is to try and distract them from the game with a cute "outfit." I was watching E! News with Joy the day before the Superbowl when a segment about Superbowl "fashion" came on. We both watched and laughed as models with girlified "jerseys" and high heels came up on the TV screen. Ick. Joy weighed in and said that she actually doesn't mind pink jerseys, but "just can’t stand it when you can tell a girl tried to do a cute “sporty” look just because she went with her guy to a game that she could care less about."

In my humble opinion, the safest thing to do when watching a game is to know the team you want to root for and maybe wear that team's colors, and ask questions during down times - these can be hard to determine when you aren't familiar with the sport, though.

CW: How about I lay out some ground rules, then.

1. This might seem trivial to you. It isn't to us. Just get over that already. If you can't accept that, you either have to find a guy who doesn't like sports or just get a lot of cats. This is your Grey's Anatomy or your Sex and the City. Most males accept this about you and don't want to bug you while it's on.

2. If you have a question while we're going nuts cheering or we look so depressed that you're temped to take our belts and shoelaces, just save it. If we're cheering and you ask your question, you're going to make us stop celebrating to explain what a first down is for the 50th time and why that means something with my team up one point with less than two minutes left in the fourth quarter. You just brought my good time to a screeching halt. It'd be like me asking why the hell you need another designer purse after you bought it 75% off: total buzzkill. Likewise, if you have a question after a play that obviously didn't go our way and we're sulking, asking us about it is going to make us relive it and push us that much closer to the edge. You can always save the question. Trust me.

3. If you do manage to save the question, there are perfectly acceptable times that you can ask us stuff. If it's a short question, just ask us when play stops. Since you started on football, lets stick with that. If you think the question is fairly short and simple, just ask us between plays. Quick fix. Easy. If it's a more complicated question, wait until a commercial break. In the NFL, they're never going to be too far off. If you can manage, wait until the end of a quarter or halftime. Just let us know that you have a question. You'll really get major points with us if you say that "I have a question, but I'll wait until the next stoppage to ask you." To us, that's just about equal to us getting you flowers. It shows you really care.

If you really, really want to learn football from your feller, ask him to watch a preseason game with you. Those four games before the ones that actually mean anything are great because in the grand scheme of things, they mean nothing. You can ask all the questions you want. And you will earn more brownie points too.

Jersey Shore Midseason Trailer

Unfortunately, the SamRon saga continues. Better news: the Snooki/Vinni story picks up again...

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

The end of title hell, the beginning of something fun

LB: Welcome readers! I think the best way to introduce this new blog is to tell you how it was born. One of my best friends from college, Carden and I had been talking about wanting to start writing together for a blog. He's a writer by profession, and I'm a writer by hobby. We knew we wanted it to be a forum for the male and female sides of various issues, from entertainment reviews to sports commentary to the issues of dating in the information age. We already enjoyed exchanging ideas in an informal way. Sometimes we'll agree, and sometimes we won't - but it almost always results in an entertaining and funny conversation. So we thought, why not share our thoughts in hopes that they might entertain you?

The idea was easy enough to come by - but the title for our blog, not so much. We grappled with the issue that most of the "obvious" titles ("His & Hers", etc.) suggested that we are a couple, which we are not. After scrapping the idea of including our genders in the title, we raided an online Thesaurus looking for synonyms for words like "verbose", "banter" and "juxtaposition." Everything came out sounding either too sexual, too pretentious, or too confusing. Finally, I started considering different common English phrases...and since "In Other Words" was taken, we finally settled on "Pardon Our English." Both of our brains fried from all this creative brainstorming, we were happy to finally be able to just start the damn writing.

We hope you enjoy our takes on various and sundry things that pass through our brains. And now, I'll let Carden take the wheel.

CW: I'm a guy. She's not. We talk about a lot of stuff, have different views and they're entertaining/thought-provoking.

Seriously though, coming up with a title was a way bigger pain than I ever could have imagined. The great and terrible thing about the intertubes is that everyone can get to them. That means that not a lot is original anymore. As far as I know of, we're a somewhat original idea but I'm sure that someone else is doing the same thing somewhere. I don't know if anyone can do it as well as we can, though (again, back to the overtly sexual titles--we aren't really doing it doing it. I feel like I'm going to have to really drive that home over and over). Even if we're a somewhat original idea, these blog names have been mostly picked through. We took forever. It literally got to the point where I said something like "just pick something already before the next Ice Age" or "pick something before Snooki learns manners, the finer points of the English language and that a little bronzer goes a long way." Something along those lines, I think.

At any rate, we're going to go on ahead with this nonsense and see what happens. Should be fun.